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so i moved into my new place. it is the graveface headquarters, plus… - offbeat_earth [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
offbeat_earth

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[Apr. 21st, 2006|02:36 pm]
offbeat_earth
so i moved into my new place. it is the graveface headquarters, plus a word-o-mouth venue/art space -- it overlooks the western blueline stop. it has a deck, three bedrooms, a perfect arrangement for bands to play, and is close to such 24-hour establishments as Lazo's, Arturo's, and some joint called MacDonalds. unbelievable...

so yesterday i am moving my shit from a minivan up to our place. i pull in front of the building and park on milwaukee (plenty of space, plenty of open parking places...). as i am opening the door, i hear "Look!" -- keep in mind this is yesterday, the potsmokers holiday and a steaming hot summer day - i have no shirt on and i am fucking ripped.

so after a few seconds, this big black dude approaches me as i am getting out of my car. he is a lame bikerat who has no other place to go so he drinks pbr with some douchebags, prior to riding down chicago ave. cussing and demolishing cars (because cars are an inferior technology to bikes, and a person on a bike with no handbrakes is the ultimate existance... one bike, one man... derek - ex guitarist of dreamend - was part of this subculture and it is fucking BOGUS.

so this guy is walking towards me, sweat dripping and veins popping as he gets more and more aggressive.

him: Look! You Motherfucker, that shit will cost me my LIFE!

me: uhhhh... look?

him: YEA! Look through the window or use your mirror to make sure no bikers are coming you asshole!

me: oh, uh... ok man. i just didnt know that was the procedure... from now on i'll...

him (as he gets closer and takes out a u-bar bikelock): LISTEN!

me: ok...

him: If you dont use this mirror, im GOnna FUCKING TAKE IT WITH ME!!!!

me: uh... alright...

him: That SHIT CAN KILL PEOPLE!!!!

me: ok man... from now on i know...

at this point he realized i wasnt afraid of him, and slowly cooled his jets in order to make an exit that didnt make him look like a tool to the row of onlookers waiting in traffic. the whole time his fuckbuddy was on a bike watching -- he wasnt exactly laughing at his friends absurd behavoir, but he didnt step in to be like "hey man... lets go."

my message to ll-cool-j-legged, chain-around-the-neck critical massholes, who feel bikes are better then walking: Get a motorcycle, pussy... join some real movement and slow down, jerk.

i have seen dipshit indie-bicyclists who arent messengers crash right into grown men who are walking with their kids or wife along the lakefront path. i appreciate the attempt at finding a niche to unfurl your soul, but seriously -- a faux-punkrock attitude + some european racing bike + alcohol + senseless destruction has never amounted to much worth mentioning.
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